Thursday, February 14, 2008

13 DPO and BFN

I cheated.

I didn't mean to, but I really couldn't help it.

My temp this morning was NOT higher than yesterday. It was .05 lower - 97.97 to 97.92.

And I'm starting to feel crampy and AF-ish.

So can you please tell me WHY I still tested??

Argh. I'm so disgusted with myself.

FD came home from a business trip last night and said he had a favor to ask of me - he wants me to learn how to relax because he thinks I stress out too much about everything, including TTC. And...I do. And he thinks that if I'd just relax, everything would work out.

ARGH. It does NOT work like that. That's like the insipid advice you get from some women who have not the first clue who say "oh, just stop trying and it'll happen." Where the hell is the logic in that?

He meant well. I know he did. But it just ended up hurting my feelings instead. I'm uptight and a worrier by nature. And I hate to tell ya, but after this many years of worrying over everything, it's not going to change overnight, if ever.

So I'm disgusted with myself for testing, frustrated with FD for thinking that I have this switch that I can just flip to relax, and overall just feeling burned out.

Looks like it's on to cycle 13 post-MC. Gee, yay.




Anonymous said...

I love reading your site. You make me laugh when I really need it. I am so tired of hearing...JUST RELAX and it will happen, or you're trying to hard. What the hell does that mean? it makes absolutely no sense to me. I amm also a worrier by nature and I hate not getting what I want when I want it. Almost all of my friends conceived on their first try and this is now our 4th month. I know in retrospect not that long but it is just as frustrating none the less. I am 6 days late today with 3 BFN's on day 14, 15 and 19. What the heck????

K @ ourboxofrain said...

I'm sorry it was a BFN :( And don't beat yourself up over testing before you planned -- we all find ourselves lacking self-restraint in this process. I was so ashamed of my early testing that I frequently didn't post it or record it in FF :)

Sometimes I wish there was a button to push to turn of worrying/obsessing and make us relax. Alas there is not. Until there is, you gotta do what you gotta do to keep yourself sane.

Future Mommy said...

Hi, Anon - thanks so much for visiting me - I know exactly how you feel about friends conceiving with no issues - isn't that just so frustrating! If you're that many days late, I'd recommend making an appointment with your OB/GYN to be checked out. Anything a week or longer is suspect - it's possible that you are pregnant but your HCG levels are still too low to register on a pregnancy test. It's also possible that there may be something going on - perhaps a cyst - that is throwing off your cycle. And it's also possible that nothing is wrong at all, and you're just having a screwy cycle. But in any case, it's good to get checked out and if you explain your situation to the doctor's office, I'm sure they'll get you in ASAP. Good luck to you - I hope you'll come back to visit me again - and if you find yourself blogging about TTC, please let me know so I can visit you and add you to my blog roll!

Hey, K! It's just so hard not to beat yourself up sometimes...I do this every month. I know, know, know that all my symptoms/signs are off, but I feel compelled to test anyways. If you ever find that worry button, please shoot it my way!! Luckily, this blog does a lot to keep me sane - just having somewhere to share my thoughts helps enormously.

Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

I think the "just relax" sentiment is probably the most offensive and condescending thing a person can say to someone who is TTC, not to mention someone who has experiened a loss. I'm so sorry. My husband and I have had many similar conversations....

Sorry about the BFN hon.

Gia said...

I am also 13dp and I'm hating this day more and more.....i tested this morning and BFN....

Future Mommy said...

I think it's pretty condescending, too, Hilary, but FD just didn't understand why it upset me. He assumed that telling me to relax was just awesome advice. I mean, hello, he's known me quite a few years now. THIS IS MY PERSONALITY. I'm a worrier. I am. And I'm high energy and I work well under pressure. THIS IS ME, DAMMIT! ARGH.

I asked him what he thought was so different about last year, the last time I was pregnant, and he said that he felt like I was under less pressure then because I wasn't temping or using the CBEFM or anything like that and we were just operating under the "not preventing" theory of TTC and seeing what happened. He thought that that was great. Um, ok. That "method" resulted in 1 confirmed loss and two suspected early losses...gee, that was a fun time. It's a guy thing, I guess. They don't get it. I just want to say "YOU try relaxing when every other chick over the age of puberty that is anywhere near you seems to get knocked up at the touch of a feather and YOU JUST CAN'T."

I'm already looking forward to dinner tonight and the frozen tiramisu that will get me through it with 4 kinds of alcohol - God bless the Olive Garden.

Hi, Gia! Thanks for visiting me - I just visited you/commented back!!!

Gia said...

Hey,Yes you may. I will also add you to mine.

Ada said...

Hi, i feel exactly the same as you described,trying really hard and anxious about everything!i think we just not allow ourselves to be a loser, which rise the stress and We never relax easily....

Anonymous said...

But stress DOES affect ttc, in fact. Any doctor would tell you that.