Monday, December 31, 2007

Investing in the Future

I recently posted on TTCAM that I'd decided to stop describing my TTC history as "1 confirmed and 2 suspected miscarriages" and instead own up to 3. If there was enough to make the Dr. suspect, that's enough to call it for what it is, wouldn't you say?

With that off my chest, I have to say that despite that witch AF showing up on Thursday, I feel so very much more hopeful for the future. This IS going to happen. At some point. And some how. Maybe it'll happen on its own. Maybe I'll go on more prescription meds. Maybe we'll have to look into some form of assistance - IVF or whatnot. And maybe the road will lead us to adoption instead. But I know, I know, I KNOW that we're going to become parents. We love kids too damn much to fail in that endeavor.

FD and I had a rather tearful discussion yesterday morning when we woke up...on his birthday no less. He expressed that he was afraid this was all his fault because we'd been pregnant before and so WTF was going wrong now after so damn many cycles of trying. I was trying to console him and so I resorted to the statistics: that on any given month, any given combination of a woman and a man only has a slip of a percentage of actually creating another human life.

That didn't work. He pointed out that among our friends and family, so many other people got pregnant without ever even giving it a second thought. That's true...and so I can't argue that. What I could point out, though, is that everyone is different.

He asked me when I was going to go back to the doctor and what we could do next to get this show on the road. I explained (ok, well, explained again) that the doctor wasn't going to do anything for us until either (a) we had at least 12 consecutive months of trying without conceiving or (b) another 2 or 3 confirmed miscarriages. He really fussed over that...said that we'd stopped using protection in May 2006, and surely that was long enough ago that to not have had success by now, the doctor should be doing something to help us. Unfortunately, as I pointed out, it doesn't work like that. :-(

FD then asked if I would consider trying a fertility monitor like he'd seen in the drugstore. I was shocked, quite honestly. As we're trying to cut costs and pay off debt and not add any expenses...preparing for when little ones do join our household, in other words...I didn't think he'd be interested in something so pricey. But he was totally serious...and after discussing it, that's the route we're going.

We went out, and after visiting SEVEN drugstores, we finally found a CBEFM as well as a box of test sticks. $250 later, and we have our new TTC plan.

Fortunately, it was CD 4, so we're early enough to start this cycle. We agreed that we'd do exactly as the directions say - we'll go this route religiously for six months, and if after six months we don't have a BFP, we'll go back to my doctor and ask for a full round-up of testing on both of us. At that point, we'll be at 1+ year of trying after our April '07 M/C, and in fact at 1+ year of trying after the three months the doc suggested we take off after the M/C before trying again. (Advice we took with a grain of salt, continuing to just not prevent and see what would happen.)

So here we's what we're going to do:

CD 5-Ovulation - Mucinex, 400 mg, 1 x daily.
CD 5-AF - Baby Aspirin, 1 x daily.
Ovulation-AF - Progesterone cream daily.
Prescription meds as normal. (For my thyroid)

Six months. You can survive six months of anything, right? FD told me that he'd read in one place that it was better to BD every other day during "good" times and in another place to BD as often as you can. I told him that I thought we should just continue to do what we do...aim for the good times - now with the help of the CBEFM as well as my BBT - and not stress over the thought of too much/too little. We also agreed that I'd come home on my lunch break on whatever CBEFM tells us are peak days, since we might miss them otherwise because of our opposite work schedules.

So we're entering 2008 in a hopeful state. Ladies, let's make this a great year for all of us. Here's to LOTS of sticky BFPs in 2008!



Tuesday, December 25, 2007

No Christmas BFP

I'm sorry that I haven't been around much recently. I took on a really big project and it's consumed my life. BFP for us today for Christmas. I've blown two tests this week - Saturday night at 7 DPO and this morning at 10 DPO.

Still have REALLY sore BBs. On Sunday, had cramping on my lower left abdomen that was kind of bad, but hasn't been repeated. My tummy has felt odd on and off, but not consistently.

Have a bit of spotting that started a couple hours ago. The first wipe, it was pink and streaky. Then it was just mixed in with my CM. Nothing to write home about.

Haven't had my pre-AF lower back cramping yet...but then again, AF isn't due until Thursday or Friday. And I have had pre-AF spotting at 10 DPO before that was just a precursor of the witch, so I'm hesitant to even hope this is implantation spotting.

We're headed out of town for a few the witch'll either visit me while we're gone, or we'll get a good surprise. What an extreme. ARGH!

Hope ya'll are having a good holiday.



Friday, December 14, 2007

All I Want for Christmas... a BFP!

That's a siggy blinkie that you ladies from TTCAM are so familiar with - well, I don't have one in my siggy, but boy do I believe in it.

FD is so damn sweet. We were sitting talking about Christmas presents the other night and he looked me straight in the eye and told me that what he really wanted to give me for Christmas was a baby. Isn't he the best? Since bedtime was near, off we went to practice up! :-)

Not sure what my cycle will hold this month. Had EWCM today - earlier than "normal". We're going on the BD every other day after CD10 theory this month...this'll be the month we make the biggest effort to date.

Still trying not to be hopeful, but if we basically double our efforts, maybe that'll be the trick? I just really feel like I need something to be hopeful for.


FD has apparently been reading up or researching how to get pregnant tips...he's now reminding me to stay laying down for a little while afterwards and sticking a pillow under my hips to tilt. There's absolutely no way he'd ever know to do something like that if he wasn't doing some checking on his own...and that means a lot to me.

He's also started asking more questions about temping and such. After so long of not really talking about it, because it was just too painful I think...this is a good change. FD's always been supportive, but this is just even better.'s hoping that somehow, someway December is different from all of the other months before this and that something good comes our way.

Christmas Day is CD26...if I have any symptoms at all, I'm going to test. Some of my cycles are 27 days, some 28, so it might be borderline if I'd get a good reading one way or another, but man wouldn't that be the greatest Christmas present ever? Besides, we leave the next day to go out of town for 4 days and will be staying with family, so I'd rather test ahead of time than on the road.

Here's sending Baby Dust and P&PTs to all of us for the best Christmas ever!



Sunday, December 9, 2007

Busy Week - But I'm Here!

Whew - where has December gone already? Between work, freelancing and life, I have no idea where this past week has gone. Just took on a large writing project that should turn into a steady thing - yay! Work busy as usual - went to MSP last week and this week I'm off to SJC. Life - yeah, when isn't that busy?

On the TTC front...nada. Had a longer-and-weirder-than-normal period, but what does that really mean? Two days of flow, then two days of spotting, then one more day of flow, then more spotting. Dunno. Not going to think about it too hard, quite'll make my head hurt.

Then...watery almost EWCM yesterday...way too early for that...haven't seen it that early ever. But hey, I'll take it...because...

...we went out on a date last night! YAHOO! We just don't get out much's gotten too busy unfortunately, and it seems that every month we have "extras" to pay for that are just stretching our budget out - new tires, new laptop, new furniture, new brakes, and now Christmas - but we said the hell with it all and went to dinner and a movie. And FD got me BEAUTIFUL white roses. I was thrilled...

...and so, of course when we came home, we took advantage of the watery CM (hubby doesn't know that...he doesn't need TTC details!) and had some more fun. Hehe. So anyways, I know that logically it's way to early in the cycle for that to lead to anything, but hey, doesn't hurt to practice, KWIM? Practice makes perfect! :-)

Well...went from not knowing anyone currently pregnant to two in the space of a week. Number one is our realtor, who also happens to be the wife of one of FD's fellow police officer's. She had her first last February, right before we bought our house (bless her heart...she started working with us when the little one was just two weeks old!) and now will have number two around early June.

Number two is one of my oldest friends. I've known her since we were like six years old. We've been in and out of touch over the years, but connected again through MySpace...and she had a bulletin up yesterday about their good news. They're due in July.

FD made a comment last night that, as usually, just sent my mind spinning. We were kind of talking sarcastically about the POS we see around us who have kinds, and I kiddingly told him that he just needed to lose his job, go broke, sit at home and do nothing all day, never spend time with me and run around with other women and then we could have kids. His reply was "oh, so is that what's holding us back? Hahaha."

Not a bad reply, I guess...kind of tells me he's thinking on this a lot, too. This is cycle ten after our MC in the spring...I can't believe how much time has gone by. I really never believed so much time would pass without getting pregnant again. I thought of my cousin's wife, who got pregnant again almost right away after her MC. I thought of a former coworker, who had two MC's in two month and then got pregnant successfully with twins in the third month. I thought of a friend of a friend who also had two MC's and then in very short order had a successful pregnancy. And I thought, hey, me, too.

Not so much, eh? I know that some of you ladies have been at this far longer than I, but I sometimes wonder how you deal with month after month of...nothing. Since I got pregnant ten months ago and lost the baby just over six weeks later, nothing...and granted, I know we didn't "seriously" try the first few months, but according to my records (before and after I started using FF), we really should have nailed the timing in at least 7 of the 9 cycles before the one we're in now. So what gives?!

I don't know...just a lot to think about. If we don't have any success before then I'll be in cycle 12 post-MC around the time where I conceived last year, and cycle 14 post-MC around the time when I actually miscarried. How can that much time have passed?

Ok, I'm getting way to whiny here, now, I guess, so I'll close. Hope all is well with everyone.